I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
