dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Its about making memories worth repressing
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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