Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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