Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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