don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize