No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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