I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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