I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
