Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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