if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
