Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
