no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
