So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
