At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Let's get the cat blown out
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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