The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
