apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
