the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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