Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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