i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My penis needs a shock collar
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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