Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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