Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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