How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
