And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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