So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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