She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
