the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
