seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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