I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Life is so much better after having sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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