pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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