I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
