u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
