Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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