she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
