you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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