I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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