Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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