What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
