remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
