I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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