I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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