hotel room ftw
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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