I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
