john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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