If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
