Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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