I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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