speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
