Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize