was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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