I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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