The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
