Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
