apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize