so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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