I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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