8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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