his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
