i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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