So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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